Growing Up

I remember the times when you are in the state of indulgent consciousness of a dream. Actually, I remember that first moment in your dream when you realise in the serenity that sleep grants you, that this is just a dream. Oh, to imagine the absolute vulnerablility and the delicate transitions of that instant in time! I cannot say for sure and I don't know if you will agree, but I have always thought I like the few moments of torment that follow, sweeter; the moments that mark the walk away from the dream.

What makes them sweeter? What seperates our perceptions on either sides of the moment? The consciousness? Yes. The antagonistic play of intentions. When you are preparing to let go. Not wanting to. Sad that the dream will not go on. Relieved that you will go back to reality. However that is. Somewhat stupified at having believed so intently in something. Amazed by the brittleness of what appeared perfectly logical and real to you on the otherside of that moment. That one deciding moment. That one waking moment. That one fleeting moment.

I was walking the walks I walk everyday. Then I noticed it first. And no matter how much I pondered I could not find that one moment, that one day, that one incident that marked this remarkable shift in who I am. Or at least who I believed I was. Had been. Where was I when I first realised that nothing really matters? That nothing could possibly matter much? That everything will come to an end? And a lot more many things will spring from absolutely nowhere? Was I passing the middle aged panwallah with gory lips when it happened? Was I asleep? Where was I when I metamorphed? Then again, metamorph is a term that clearly indicates a positive development. Growth. I am not entirely certain it is the word I ought to be using.

When was it that happiness almost always started coming with an internal dis-association, or a conscious effort of it? When you start almost looking at yourself like an old man looking at a gleeful kid and smiling to his self? When all things that ought to have made you sad come with their very own world-wary gurdian angel? Worst, you trust him implicitly. You know he is right when he says it won't really matter. That nothing matters much. In the end. When was it that you stopped screaming out like a mad man at such guiding spirits? Telling Him you don't bloody care! That you want what you want? When did you settle in the numbing soothingness of wise serenity?

I try looking for that one moment. Just in case.

This be the welcome home post :) Yes, you.

Mithya

This is not Bollywood. It's cinema at its best. Hats off to Rajat Kapoor. Definitely the best Hindi movie I have seen.

You can make it! bla

WARNING: THIS POST IS FULL OF PERSONAL OPINIONS THAT YOU MIGHT FIND EXTREMELY EGOISTIC AND DISTURBING. YOU WILL FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE PEOPLE LIKE THIS. BUT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK. THIS IS WHO I AM. AT LEAST I AM BEING HONEST.

 There's one good thing about me(among a million others), I think before I do/say anything. Only, I am very fast in my thinking process. So, most people will take me to be impulsive. If you still recall the force versus time graph and the area-under-the-curve thing it will be easier for you to get my point. I am consistently/continuously impulsive.

I am impatient only when I know something is not worth it. For, know this for sure, I have traced in the series of events a pattern that so closely matches many other templates in my head, that I immediately know what lies ahead. It's more of mathematical induction customized to a somewhat wider (and grimmer) event space.

I notice patterns in things very easily. That is not to say I generalize. I don't. Not here. My inductions are tailored based specifically on my past interactions with the person concerned. These interactions are not considered independent of the situations/circumstances in which they took place. So, you could say I have, at least to my belief, a fair and logical way of judging people and weighing out to them what they deserve to be rationed.

You will notice that this system cannot work when I meet someone new. I have no previous data concerning that individual. In these cases I use a very wide band band-pass filter. This is the only stage where I do generalize people to an extent, to weed out the absolute scum. (Yes, you may insist that they are different people, and not necessarily scum, but i don't care.) I am almost never wrong in this part. Generalization isn't always very bad, I have come to see. There are some traits that I simply will not stand. 

If the person concerned passes this first filter, I put him/her into the observation stage. This can range from one day to several months depending on how dubious or dynamic the characters are. Now they start developing a space for themselves as individuals and I stop referring to templates when I look at them. I keep taking mental notes, sometimes sub-conscious. 

Now there are some people I trust and rely on completely. Implicitly. In fact they might not even have to undergo the stages mentioned earlier. These are very very few people. There may be some that I don't see in months. Then there are some I see almost every other day. When it comes to these people, I never ever judge them and I will forgive them no matter what they do to me. I may not forgive them for what they do to others however.

If you have had the patience to read this far, I must tell you, it's not at all as elaborate as it sounds. It's so organized and fast that you will think I am acting on impulse. And in case you have jumped to this part looking for something less taxing on the brains, I suggest you skip this post. I promise not to hate you for it.

There are two things I look for in a person. 

1. How passionate is s/he about something/anything that she/he loves. How far will s/he go for it. It may be music, it may be physics, it may be photography, it may be another person, it may be just walking.
   
2. How consistent is s/he about her/his passion. Can she/he love it day in day out? So much that s/he will never get tired of it? So much that s/he could take on the world for it?
3. How does the person treat a person/thing that can be of no consequence to her/him ever?

I do not like people who get bored of things easily. Boredom is not necessarily a bad thing. There can be subtle joys in it. For me, life's greatest joy and mystery is monotony, boredom. It strings moments together to make one life. When one looks for changes and avenues because one is bored, it is a sign of lack of empathy. An inner emptiness. I am not against change. I love changes. But a love for change that springs from boredom is a symptom of an ailing mind. An escapist soul.

Picasa 3

The new Picasa 3 is absolutely stunning. What's more, the Picasa Web Albums now have automatic face detection with tagging! You will freak out if you see how it detects people from your photo and names them!

If you are outside of the U.S. and would like to download 
Picasa 3 in English, you can do so from http://dl.google.com/picasa/picasa3-setup.exe 

The Future is Here and all that

I don't know how many people see the significance of this. But this is what I feel: Chrome is going to change the world for ever. If you think that's simply because I am a mad fan of Google, you are nuts. Go use it!
http://www.google.com/chrome/

Then again, whoever thought of releasing something as mammoth as this using a webcomic?